Interview: Tastycakes~~~*

it has been a little while since i have posted in this blog. its not intentional, life has just sped up. november 5th marked my 23rd birthday and i also started working a new job. so if there are any readers of this, my bad but this update will definitely make up for my time away.

readers of the bridge nine records message board already know who this man is. for those of you who do not, i think the interview speaks for itself. this is a great read for anyone but a fantastic one for those of you interested in the supernatural. without further ado, here is my interview with Tastycakes~~~*

First off, thanks for agreeing to answer some of my questions. Why don't you start off by telling us a little bit about yourself, how you got involved with the supernatural and the work you do with C.O.U.

I am the B9 Board poster known as Tastycakes~~~*. I have dedicated my life to what some researchers have referred to as “Radical Cryptozoology”. I assume this title has been linked to me because unlike other researchers, I claim that all supernatural phenomenons are linked in some manner. ESP & the Cyclops, the Yowie & poltergeists, alien “Greys” & sea serpents, I believe all of them relate to each other. My work with C.O.U is based on finding out what that link is. It is also to discover the true link of hardcore music & the paranormal.

I was introduced to science through my father, a former microbiologist who turned to cryptozoology basically by accident. He was a fantastic researcher. I am certain he had uncovered many secrets regarding supernatural events that the government has successfully kept out of the public eye for years. It’s no surprise that he was killed in a lab explosion before he could release his findings. Before my mother spontaneously combusted (another so called “accident”) she alluded to her belief that he was murdered. My father’s research was never recovered.

My father had me accompany him on many of his research trips. My interest stemmed from the time I spent with him then. I saw many unexplainable events during my formative years. You could say this is in my blood.
- How many countries have you visited?

It would probably be shorter for me to list the places I haven’t been honestly. Off the top of my head, I’ve been to most major countries. There are obviously some places you just can’t spend time in and some you must sneak through if you do. I have passed through Somalia with a friend who lives in Ethiopia and even he told me that was the first time he had been in Somalia technically. There are just some places you do not visit right now. There are a few small islands I have not been to, but all in all I have traveled quite a bit.

- In your opinion, where does the most supernatural activity occur?

It occurs everywhere and each country per capita has its fair share. People don’t seem to notice but naturally we build our major cities in areas where the supernatural pull is weaker. In the U.S, every area has its own magnetic pull. The Southwest has a strong pull, New Mexico especially it seems. The Northwest with Washington does as well. Texas has many reported incidents. There is a ridiculous amount of werewolves running around in northern Wisconsin. Maine as well, they have the quite a large amount of paranormal activity and it seems to go unreported for the most part, it’s a very strange place. If I really had to pick one area of the world though, it would be in every ocean. The ocean is another planet on our own world. It’s absolutely amazing.

- Many people associate supernatural activity with evil. What are some positive supernatural forces?

For the most part the majority of these unknown creatures are just animals. They really aren’t evil. Spirits for the most part are not evil as well. Shadow people are extremely hostile. However, they do this for a specific purpose. I guess it would just depend on what your definition of evil actually is.

- What is the correlation between the supernatural and hardcore? Do certain bands with certain styles have a stronger link or is it a case by case thing?

I believe hardcore music speaks to the supernatural. Certain bands and their different styles definitely speak to different aspects of the paranormal. Low deep vocals and heavier sounds usually generate a better response with cryptid animals for example Monster X with the Sasquatch. Higher pitched screaming with mathcore style “off notes” tend to speak more to spirits. I firmly believe the correct blend of hardcore styles, to acquire proper tone in combination with the right notes played in sequence could open up another dimension or quite possibly end the world. With the proper technique we might be able to speak to the paranormal.

- Your latest topic on the Bridge Nine Message board you told me that you keep tabs on the activities of the Shadow People. For those aren't aware of their existence can you kind of give a brief description of these beings and what activities do they engage in? Are they malicious?

In short these beings are dimensional travelers who act as terrorists to the human race. They are very malicious. I believe only a small percentage of the population has the ability to see these beings. Some of us see them more clearly than others. They look like shadows and often appear with red eyes. I believe they see human beings as a threat to the existence of their race and to other dimensions. In recent months I’ve noticed they seem to have backed off activities against us and I believe this is due to their certainty that we will destroy ourselves.

- Have you or any of your colleagues had any direct contact with the Shadow People and if so, what was your/their experience like?

Yes, numerous incidents with these beings and the majority of the time I end up with broken bones and scratches. I cannot stress enough to people that they should avoid these beings and if they do happen to see one, it is in their best interest to pretend they do not see them. I have actually visited the dimension from where these beings come from and remarkably they were able to harm my physical body even though I was not in it technically at the time.

- Another point of your recent update is that you are traveling through dimensions. How many have you been to and how do they differ from our world?

Too many to even remember unfortunately. I’ve been told I should write a book describing each dimension I can remember but what people don’t understand is, how can I describe these that have no comparison to anything on this earth? How to you describe colors to people that they’ve never seen before? Shades that don’t exist in this realm, how do you explain these things? Time travel is possible in this manner though.

- Is it dangerous for a regular guy like myself to try and enter another dimension?

Yes, extremely. There is no guarantee that you will find your way back to your body. There is no guarantee that you will enter a safe dimension. Who knows what you could find? You could end up in some sort of “hell” forever. You may run across something that could swallow your spirit and erase you from existence. I travel at my own risk, I understand the consequences. I may never come back. I don’t think other people do. I receive dozens of emails and messages from B9 posters who ask me for advice on how to travel through dimensions. I’ll say to you all right now, that not only is this a bad idea but I cannot determine what the best technique is for you to achieve this. Cerebrally we are all “wired” differently. What works for me almost certainly will not work for you. If you truly want to travel, then you must meditate and practice different methods through lucid dreaming to achieve what you want. It could take you years. Your first step is research. Again though, I advise against anyone doing this.

- I recall a while ago you attempted to become a werewolf. If I am wrong, just ignore this question. How did you go about that and what do you think went wrong? (I also remember this process was unsuccessful. If I am mistaken, my bad)

You are correct, I attempted to become a werewolf and as of today have been unsuccessful that I know of. If I am ever successful then I will reveal myself to the public immediately. I’m in the process of rewriting everything I did based on my notes because apparently people really enjoyed reading about those experiments. A few different people have expressed interest in publishing my accounts, we’ll see if they still want them when I’m done. Also, if Chrissy is reading this, I’m still sending it to you, thank you for being so patient. In regards to the experiments though, this is something I would advise against people attempting. Not only from a financial standpoint but for your health, I was in horrible shape after these incidents. I’ll get into why I think they didn’t work and exactly what I did, when I rewrite them.

- What is the most dangerous situation that you have found yourself in that you can share with us?

Again, these stories are too numerous to count. As an explorer you are constantly faced with death. Most of the time dangerous situations occur from non-paranormal incidents, like when you run across a paramilitary group in a lawless area of a country or if the local wildlife decides to take an interest in you. I’ve been hunted by many animals (supernatural and normal) at one point or another. I’ve just been lucky. Others around me haven’t. In the Congo, my guides were devoured when our canoe tipped in the river. Coincidentally, my posting name is actually a nickname I picked up when I saved myself from a bear mauling with the tasty snack treat. I just spelled it wrong. It amuses me with all the questions people have asked me they have never inquired about that.

- Tell me a little bit about your avatar, the Ummites. Have you ever had an encounter with one? If so, was the experience positive or negative?

Yes I have encountered and have actually communicated with these beings. The experience was very positive. They are an extremely peaceful race. In the past they have fought wars with other alien races that are not so peaceful. They are reluctant to share their technology with us for this reason. I don’t blame them. We are an extremely violent and primitive race compared to them. They actually care about us. It’s amazing.

Humorous true story in regard to the Ummites: they were amazed at the volume of excrement an average human produces during one sitting. When asked how much waste an Ummite released on average, one being promptly dropped his pants and released a deer sized pellet on the ground. Ummites do not have genitals like us by the way. The male’s genitals resemble a piece of lasagna.

- One thing that has struck me recently is the amount of exposure that vampires are getting in the mainstream media. Has Hollywood come close to accurately portraying a vampire? This is assuming they exist of course.

Yes they exist and no Hollywood does not generally do a good job portraying them. Vampires are parasites. They do not hide amongst us sipping wine at dinner parties. They hide in the shadows in remote areas and tear people limb from limb. There are hardly any left at all in the world. The idea of a “Twilight” style vampire is ridiculous. From my understanding, they are nocturnal because they are blind in the daylight, literally blind. You can also dispatch them like you would any human being. The same goes for werewolves by the way. You can kill them like any other animal.

- There seems to be a lot of curiosity surrounding the topics you discuss. What advice would you give to someone who wanted to dig deeper and get involved with them on the level that you are? Would you encourage it or try to persuade them from doing this?

I’d probably dissuade them to be honest, I live a fool’s life. I’m lucky to be alive. It’s a lonely existence. If you really want to learn more I’d suggest taking a more orthodox approach. Go to school and study as much science and math as possible. Get the backing from a school for your research and go about cryptozoology in a more traditional sense. Just don’t get sucked into the bullshit that makes good scientists go blind and close off their minds to the unknown.


- Is there anything else you would like to address? I could sit here and ask you a million questions but I am trying to be polite and not take up too much of your time!

The only thing I would like to address is to thank the people who have taken in interest in my posts. Not only have they been supportive of my bizarre writings, but they have been patient as I work slowly due to my constant travels. My next project is a blog of my own, even if I will probably not update it as much as I’d like to. We’ll see what the future holds for me.

These questions were great by the way, thank you for the interview request.

talking about the undead.

pictured above is one of my dear friends, Bubba Smith. no, i do not know who the gal giving everyone a seductive eye is (but i will try to find out). when he is not busy doing whatever a fine southern gentlemen does, we engage in conversation on a variety of subjects. i tried to interview him on horror related subject matters but it was coming out too cheesey for my taste. luckily, i managed to salvage this interview by interrogating him on his strategy for a very important event: the apocalypse.

Ryan: So since this blog has no theme, I can ask whatever questions I want. You asked me a similar question earlier: you wake up and you find your city abandoned. Describe your next course of action.

Bubba: 1. Arm myself with some kind of weapon 2. Find a vehicle 3. Try and get ahold of Pauly Crush

Pauly Crush*? Hahaha. Why? (EDIT: Pauly Crush is the man responsible for an infamous Orlando dance night titled 'Crush' at Backbooth)

Paul and I have discussed being ready for things like this to happen. I know he has the brains and firepower I'd need to survive.

What if you found out that he was directly responsible for this because the music at Crush melted everyone in Orlando's brains and turned them into disco dancing zombies?

1. get earplugs 2. find out if this was planned or an accident 3. destroy everything

Whose the last person we know you would want in your survival party in the event of the apocalypse?

JP** No questions asked.(EDIT: JP Marra is a local hardcore kid who is either loved or hated. There is usually no middle ground with this fellow. He currently resides in Philadelphia, PA and once encountered me at a rest stop in Georgia randomly Cool story huh?). No questions asked.

Would you feed him to the undead?

I would grind him into chum and use him for bait

A little while ago I mentioned your survival party. Name five people that you would take with you and what their duties in the party would be. We already have Pauly.

Pauly: ammunitions expert, Lance White: extensive knowledge of the undead, Bitchass Brian: driver, Charlie Hart: camping skills, You: handjobs*** (EDIT: i do not enjoy handies in any way, shape, or form. that includes distributing them.)

Charlie Hart is an outdoorsman?

yes, he's been doing tons of camping lately

For some reason, I can't picture that. Anyway, what would be the order of our deaths? Its inevitable that we all die.

FALSE. We find another survival party of babes and begin procreating to save the human race...only then do we find out that this only happened in Florida and the rest of the United States has been fine all along.

And who was responsible for Florida turning into a cess pool of zombie filth?

I'm not sure who did it, but I sure as hell know who didn't do it.....Professor Deluxe.

Final question: Where is Mike Sorel****(EDIT: all you need to know about Mike Sorel is right here) during all of this?

Clearly, he is the puppetmaster in all of this, but maybe you would recognize him by a better name....Mummentut.

my next entry is already posted on my myspace but it will be posted on here for everyone else to see. until then, take it easy.