Reality Corner: Directing the Jersey Shore

Welcome to the Reality Corner. This is the first update in a long time but its something I have been meaning to do for a while. My girlfriend is responsible for my exposure to the reality world. At first I was skeptical but the more I watched the more it grew on me. Its kind of like a wonderful fungus.
Originally this entry was going to rank the cast of the Jersey Shore in order of importance. While I was writing on it I stumbled upon, what I feel is, a great way to sum up these people. A way that people who aren't even fans of this show can easily identify them: compare them to some of the biggest names in the movie making industry.
When I say movie making I don't mean actors. Honestly, I didn't do that because it would take too much time. As I sat eating sunflower seeds and soaking my feet in hot water the directors/producers just kept coming at a rapid rate. It was actually surprising how easy it was to think of who these people reminded me of.



Ronnie, much like M. Night, had so much potential. M. Night followed up his strong resume of The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Signs with lackluster efforts such as The Lady in the Water and The Village. This is exactly like Ronnie. In season one he is getting wild, fighting people, trying to court Sam, and getting thrown in jail. It looked like Ronnie was going to continue his mean streak in season two. He is making out with girls at the club, getting drunker, hooking up with Sam, and basically punching his ticket to the Adultery Hall of Fame.
Now I am not saying that I expected Ronnie to continue on his torrid path. There has to be some sort of breather. I will allow him his time toward the end of season two and the beginning of this season. But when Ronnie revealed that not only is he a master of cheating, but also verbal abuse? I got excited! How can you not get excited about "Single Ronnie" coming back?
This guy is power bombing "the love of his life's" personal items through the floor, dragging her while shes clinging to her bed for deer life, and smashing her glasses!
It was exactly like The Happening for me. When I saw the trailer it looked like it was a can't miss. You have Mark Whalberg, John Leguizamo, and Zooey Deschanel working on a pretty good premise of some sort of crisis causing people to off themselves (if you want to see The Happening for some reason, then skip over this paragraph). Ronnie falling into a deep depression over Sam leaving the house is the equivalent of the atrocious acting and trees being the cause of this epidemic.
What the hell is going on here?! Instead of grinding on girls he is grinding his teeth as Sam dances with other dudes. Instead of drinking himself to sleep he is rocking himself to sleep while drowning in tears of anguish. This isn't the Ronnie I came to know and love. I hope that Ronnie wakes up and realizes that he is on a one way ticket to The Last Airbender and Devil territory.

Arguably the most recognizable face of the Jersey Shore, Snooki has quietly had a great season. In the sports world she would no doubt be Chicago White Sox great Frank Thomas: one of the most feared players in the league even though shes in limited capacity. This season Snooki has added another fight, an arrest for disorderly conduct and public intoxication, is responsible for Deena being on the show, and has had more drunk moments than usual.
Now there is nothing new about most of this (outside of the arrest). It smells like a remake to me and when I think remake, I think Michael Bay! The man responsible for remaking just about every popular horror franchise (A Nightmare on Elm St., Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th) and directing summer blockbusters (Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, Transformers, and the Bad Boys series). You know that 90% of the time you will be entertained by a Michael Bay production. Whether you're entertained by outrageous explosions, people getting their head cut off, or romantic goodbyes with Aerosmith playing in the background, you're going to leave somewhat satisfied.
Like many Michael Bay productions, Snooki has her faults. I am not sure if this should count against her but I am counting it. By informing her "tweedos" that she met her boyfriend on the latest episode, she has ruined any drama that the show will attempt to create involving her personal life. Why should I even bother paying attention to the Vinny/Snooki situation (no pun intended) at this juncture? Its kind of like how you can identify the hero, heroine, dead meat, and survivors in any of these Bay productions. It won't keep me from watching but it would be a lot better with some suspense.


Let me go on record saying that Deena is a prime example as to why they need to incorporate more new blood on this show. Her first night in the house she is showing her private parts to the Situation and inciting fights between J-Wow and Sammi. That is a pretty solid season in ONE episode! Take it a step further where she introduces the Fake Ronnie (favorite moment of the season so far), hangs with M.V.P. without causing any drama, is a worthy opponent for prank wars, and apparently has a socially unacceptable fetish involving peoples rear ends and tongues (there is literally no reason to make something like this up). It may seem like I am sucking up to her but I can't think of any moment involving Deena that was ho-hum or unsavory.
This is very reminiscent of Christophe Nolan coming out of no where and dropping Memento on us. He followed up his breakout performance with underrated gems like Insomnia, The Prestige and is now famous for revitalizing the Batman series and Inception. He is the next big thing in Hollywood so it means a lot that I am giving Deena the Nolan comparison.
Deena hasn't even realized the potential she possesses. She has only had a hook up incident with Fake Ronnie and has been rebuffed by the Situation all season. There haven't been too many (if any) drunken meltdowns and she still hasn't gotten into a fist fight herself. We should all cross our fingers and hope that she does not go the route of The Deer Hunter director Michael Cimino who flamed out after winning Best Director for the aforementioned film.



The next two were pretty difficult to cast. I ended up settling on Guillmero Del Toro for Sammi because they both share one thing in common: their body of work is visually pleasing. I may hate to see Sam bitching, moaning, and filing her nails but she is very easy on the eyes. One can say the same about the majority of Guillmero Del Toro's ventures. I watched Hell Boy II multiple times because of his work with the make up and effects. They make it worth my while and Del Toro does have Pans Labyrinth up his sleeve (much like Sam has season two and her tendency to fight).
Sammi has had some good moments on the series but this season she is mostly an annoyance. She is piggy backing on a lot of Ronnie's antics instead of creating her own. The fight at the beginning of the season is where she peaked. When Sam left the show the house, outside of Ronnie, didn't miss a beat. Everyone went on with their lives. There really is no need to bring Sammi back. She is either going to come back and break up with Ronnie for good or we can look forward to seeing Ronnie drag her to the Coliseum in Rome for a fight to the death.
Most of the rumors I have heard about cast shake ups say that the Situation is done with the Shore after season four. They may as well just get rid of all the other dead weight if season four is anything like this one. Give Ron and Sam the boot, bring in new people, keep the show alive. I could go on and on about this but its probably another blog update in its own. I will save that for the season wrap up I plan on writing.



I didn't want to but I decided to group M.V.P. (Mike aka The Situation. Vinny. Paulie. for all you non-Jersey Shore heads). There is just no way I can compare all three of them this season. They seem like supporting players. That is unfortunate to me because when they're on screen they drive the show.
Much like Apatow, I can't think of a bad M.V.P. moment. Everything they have produced this season (the grenade horn, bringing the stalker home, and feeding people in the middle of sex) has been hilarious and entertaining. Vinny is a mack daddy, Paulie is a comedian, and the Situation has been offering relationship advice for the majority of the season. He is probably the Funny People to Paulie and Vinnie's Anchorman and Superbad: a drama/comedy that probably should have stuck to being funny.
The lack of MVP actually reflects most of my frustration with this season. The Situation has been a ghost, Paulie has just been throwing out one liners, and Vinny is consistently expressing his disgust for the Sam/Ron situation while getting it in with random Shore girls. The show doesn't need the constant drama to survive when it has the antics of these three gentlemen. Give them more camera time.



J-Wow was even more difficult then Sam to cast. This season has been pretty low key for Jenny. She fought Sam, dumped Tom, rescued her dogs from her trashed house, made up with Sam like nothing happened, and is now all about local celebrity Roger. Cheesy love plots, rescuing damsels in distress, and violence? Sounds like Robert Rodriguez (From Dusk Til Dawn, Machete, Grindhouse, and Predators) to me.
I know this is the biggest reach of all but cut me some slack here. Its difficult to cast Jenni but she does fit with Rodriguez. She, like most of the women in his films, is barely dressed, is a bad ass and she also gives off that black widow spider vibe in terms of her relationships.
Sadly, J-Wow has disappointed me for most of the season. The stuff with Tom wasn't a surprise. You could see the writing on the wall from the opening episode and her going on dates behind his back is never a good thing. It seems like she has kind of just laid in the cut in terms of being a player in the house. She was more concerned with finding love for Snooki then she was getting wild. Hopefully in season four we will see her re-invent herself on the show. She will be single for the first time in a while, lets just hope she is ready to mingle *rim shot*.

I plan on coming back and doing a season three recap when the season is over. There are a lot of Jersey Shore related topics I want to touch on but haven't. Maybe I will even do an episode recap on Friday or something of that nature.
Another show I want to touch on is something my girlfriend is directly responsible for: The Bad Girls Club. Yes, the guy points are fading away with every sentence typed about this program but I care not. This show is ridiculous and its must see television if you enjoy watching women in their mid to late twenties act twelve.
Anywho, that is all for this entry. Thanks for reading and I will be back in a few days with another entry.

TheMirrorRitual.Blogspot.Com

Allow me to start this entry off with the following statement: I am not a "spiritual" person by any means. Religion repulses me and I find it to be a crutch for weak people. In addition, I am also one of those people who say if you don't believe in God then you cannot believe in all the cool stuff that goes along with God (the devil, demons, etc). Well, tonight may have changed my outlook quite a bit. Let's start from the top.

One day I am hanging out at the house. My buddy Reptile hits me up on the internet blabbering about some sort of thing with mirrors. Supposedly, you can summon your "alternate soul" or something by performing a simple ritual in your bathroom. He shows me the ritual (available at this site along with much more related stuff). This sounds totally ridiculous and I wish him good luck on his journey into the spirit world.

Later on in the night, I start talking to Reptile again. He informs me that one of our friends tried the ritual and was totally spooked. Our buddy apparently saw some freaky shit and bailed real quick. Reptile then tells me he is going to perform the ritual tomorrow. I won't drag the story out anymore but needless to say, he gets some intense results along with a few other of my friends. Then they start asking when I am going to do it. As I mentioned before, I am not a religious guy. This stuff is intriguing to me but I don't take it serious. Despite this, this shit is kind of intimidating me because some tough looking characters are being reduced to gigantic pussies over this. By telling you that, I am not trying to make myself look cool or anything. I am just letting trying to get you into my mindset. So finally, on the night of January the 13th, I decide to go for it. My stomach is growling and Reptile is my favorite Steak n Shake partner. I'll knock this mirror thing out and then get some shitty food.

I arrive at Reptile's den and its just him and the other pioneer of this ritufaal thing. We shoot the breeze for a while but then its time to get down to business. The ritual is simple: stand in front of a mirror in a room lit only by a candle and stare directly at your reflection's eyes. After a while, you should see some results. At the 10 minute mark, you have to draw blood and wipe it across your reflections eyes. It has to be enough to blind your reflection. Then you last another seven minutes an immediately blow out the candle, flip the light to the room on, and bail. We worked out a system where at 10 minutes, someone knocks on the bathroom door to let you know to do the blood thing. At the end of the seven minutes, there's two knocks to let you know its time to go. So here I am, standing in the bathroom and staring.

It started out rather slow. Nothing happened and I was feeling good. Then all of a sudden my jaw took a sharp turn to the right and I saw what appeared to be teeth on the bottom of my chin. Keep in mind, my mouth is shut and I have no expression on my face. Already, I am not digging this. Its freaking me the fuck out and I don't like it. An important thing to note is that you pretty much lose track of time in here. It seems like an eternity when it really has been 30 seconds or so. Anyway, back to my experience. My jaw is warping and my chin now has a set of teeth. This sounds comical but its not. Fear is coursing through my body and I am not stoked. It was as if whatever was in that mirror could sense that because my mouth curled into a grin several times. This continues for a while and then the real shit starts happening. My body became almost transparent. I could see through my coat and see the door behind me. Just as I started processing that, my reflection started to stretch in the mirror until half my face was off the mirror. The coat I was wearing in the bathroom is black and had a furry hood. The fur on the hood began to wiggle back and forth as if it were alive. Just as I am getting ready to bail, there's my knock at the door telling me to do the blood thing.

This isn't as easy as it sounds. I fumble around for the razor because I am not trying to break eye contact. Finally, I find it. While considering this whole mirror thing, this was actually the most concerning part of it. Cutting yourself is pretty drastic and teen angst behavior. Do I really want to do that? I came to the conclusion that to make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs. So I make my first incision on my left wrist. I start squeezing my hand and nothing comes out. There is no blood. I make another cut and again, the same results. This continues until my wrist looks like the picture displayed above. I had to cut myself six times in order to get any blood at all. Now I "blind" my reflection and it doesn't appear that there is much blood. This worries me because whatever is in that mirror can still see me. Shit basically starts to hit the fan.

The hood on my coat is now collapsing around my and pulsing like a large number of snakes. My mind is all over the place right now. The top of my hood is black, I can only see the sides of the fur. My nose is gone and my mouth is continuing to smile at me and bare sharp teeth. Then, the worst part of the experience occurs: my eyes appear to have fire in them. This is not the fire from the candle, it looks like like a burning house in both of my eyes. My face is now completely warped. Its dark on the sides, my lips are a darkish black/maroon color baring teeth and smiling at me. All that on top of my eyes being fireballs with a burning house in the center. I remember that I have a razor with me and for some reason, I want to start cutting myself again. It was at this point that my knock occurs. I scramble for the light and start yelling at Reptile asking him where the goddamn light switch is. He tells me not to worry about it and to just blow out the candle and leave. I do and run out.

The Mirror Ritual Blog will be posting audio of me literally seconds after I did this. They're the first words I spoke upon exiting the bathroom. Remember how I said I felt like there wasn't enough blood on the mirror? Well it was nothing like the picture on the blog but there was a nice amount on the mirror, definitely more then I thought and definitely enough to "blind" the reflection.

Afterward, Reptile and I went to Steak n Shake and I had the shakes (no pun intended) for a good 30 minutes. Our buddy also texted me while we were eating asking us where we were because some freaky shit was going down. Apparently while we were gone, he heard tapping on the back of the mirror in the bathroom from his living room.

You can take this however you want. You can call me crazy, stupid, or full of shit. I don't care. All I know is that if that was an optical illusion then it was the scariest, most intense optical illusion I have ever seen. The optical illusion in the mirror made me want to continue to cut my wrist and looked like it wanted to hurt me. If you do this be prepared to be spooked for a while.

Interview: Tastycakes~~~*

it has been a little while since i have posted in this blog. its not intentional, life has just sped up. november 5th marked my 23rd birthday and i also started working a new job. so if there are any readers of this, my bad but this update will definitely make up for my time away.

readers of the bridge nine records message board already know who this man is. for those of you who do not, i think the interview speaks for itself. this is a great read for anyone but a fantastic one for those of you interested in the supernatural. without further ado, here is my interview with Tastycakes~~~*

First off, thanks for agreeing to answer some of my questions. Why don't you start off by telling us a little bit about yourself, how you got involved with the supernatural and the work you do with C.O.U.

I am the B9 Board poster known as Tastycakes~~~*. I have dedicated my life to what some researchers have referred to as “Radical Cryptozoology”. I assume this title has been linked to me because unlike other researchers, I claim that all supernatural phenomenons are linked in some manner. ESP & the Cyclops, the Yowie & poltergeists, alien “Greys” & sea serpents, I believe all of them relate to each other. My work with C.O.U is based on finding out what that link is. It is also to discover the true link of hardcore music & the paranormal.

I was introduced to science through my father, a former microbiologist who turned to cryptozoology basically by accident. He was a fantastic researcher. I am certain he had uncovered many secrets regarding supernatural events that the government has successfully kept out of the public eye for years. It’s no surprise that he was killed in a lab explosion before he could release his findings. Before my mother spontaneously combusted (another so called “accident”) she alluded to her belief that he was murdered. My father’s research was never recovered.

My father had me accompany him on many of his research trips. My interest stemmed from the time I spent with him then. I saw many unexplainable events during my formative years. You could say this is in my blood.
- How many countries have you visited?

It would probably be shorter for me to list the places I haven’t been honestly. Off the top of my head, I’ve been to most major countries. There are obviously some places you just can’t spend time in and some you must sneak through if you do. I have passed through Somalia with a friend who lives in Ethiopia and even he told me that was the first time he had been in Somalia technically. There are just some places you do not visit right now. There are a few small islands I have not been to, but all in all I have traveled quite a bit.

- In your opinion, where does the most supernatural activity occur?

It occurs everywhere and each country per capita has its fair share. People don’t seem to notice but naturally we build our major cities in areas where the supernatural pull is weaker. In the U.S, every area has its own magnetic pull. The Southwest has a strong pull, New Mexico especially it seems. The Northwest with Washington does as well. Texas has many reported incidents. There is a ridiculous amount of werewolves running around in northern Wisconsin. Maine as well, they have the quite a large amount of paranormal activity and it seems to go unreported for the most part, it’s a very strange place. If I really had to pick one area of the world though, it would be in every ocean. The ocean is another planet on our own world. It’s absolutely amazing.

- Many people associate supernatural activity with evil. What are some positive supernatural forces?

For the most part the majority of these unknown creatures are just animals. They really aren’t evil. Spirits for the most part are not evil as well. Shadow people are extremely hostile. However, they do this for a specific purpose. I guess it would just depend on what your definition of evil actually is.

- What is the correlation between the supernatural and hardcore? Do certain bands with certain styles have a stronger link or is it a case by case thing?

I believe hardcore music speaks to the supernatural. Certain bands and their different styles definitely speak to different aspects of the paranormal. Low deep vocals and heavier sounds usually generate a better response with cryptid animals for example Monster X with the Sasquatch. Higher pitched screaming with mathcore style “off notes” tend to speak more to spirits. I firmly believe the correct blend of hardcore styles, to acquire proper tone in combination with the right notes played in sequence could open up another dimension or quite possibly end the world. With the proper technique we might be able to speak to the paranormal.

- Your latest topic on the Bridge Nine Message board you told me that you keep tabs on the activities of the Shadow People. For those aren't aware of their existence can you kind of give a brief description of these beings and what activities do they engage in? Are they malicious?

In short these beings are dimensional travelers who act as terrorists to the human race. They are very malicious. I believe only a small percentage of the population has the ability to see these beings. Some of us see them more clearly than others. They look like shadows and often appear with red eyes. I believe they see human beings as a threat to the existence of their race and to other dimensions. In recent months I’ve noticed they seem to have backed off activities against us and I believe this is due to their certainty that we will destroy ourselves.

- Have you or any of your colleagues had any direct contact with the Shadow People and if so, what was your/their experience like?

Yes, numerous incidents with these beings and the majority of the time I end up with broken bones and scratches. I cannot stress enough to people that they should avoid these beings and if they do happen to see one, it is in their best interest to pretend they do not see them. I have actually visited the dimension from where these beings come from and remarkably they were able to harm my physical body even though I was not in it technically at the time.

- Another point of your recent update is that you are traveling through dimensions. How many have you been to and how do they differ from our world?

Too many to even remember unfortunately. I’ve been told I should write a book describing each dimension I can remember but what people don’t understand is, how can I describe these that have no comparison to anything on this earth? How to you describe colors to people that they’ve never seen before? Shades that don’t exist in this realm, how do you explain these things? Time travel is possible in this manner though.

- Is it dangerous for a regular guy like myself to try and enter another dimension?

Yes, extremely. There is no guarantee that you will find your way back to your body. There is no guarantee that you will enter a safe dimension. Who knows what you could find? You could end up in some sort of “hell” forever. You may run across something that could swallow your spirit and erase you from existence. I travel at my own risk, I understand the consequences. I may never come back. I don’t think other people do. I receive dozens of emails and messages from B9 posters who ask me for advice on how to travel through dimensions. I’ll say to you all right now, that not only is this a bad idea but I cannot determine what the best technique is for you to achieve this. Cerebrally we are all “wired” differently. What works for me almost certainly will not work for you. If you truly want to travel, then you must meditate and practice different methods through lucid dreaming to achieve what you want. It could take you years. Your first step is research. Again though, I advise against anyone doing this.

- I recall a while ago you attempted to become a werewolf. If I am wrong, just ignore this question. How did you go about that and what do you think went wrong? (I also remember this process was unsuccessful. If I am mistaken, my bad)

You are correct, I attempted to become a werewolf and as of today have been unsuccessful that I know of. If I am ever successful then I will reveal myself to the public immediately. I’m in the process of rewriting everything I did based on my notes because apparently people really enjoyed reading about those experiments. A few different people have expressed interest in publishing my accounts, we’ll see if they still want them when I’m done. Also, if Chrissy is reading this, I’m still sending it to you, thank you for being so patient. In regards to the experiments though, this is something I would advise against people attempting. Not only from a financial standpoint but for your health, I was in horrible shape after these incidents. I’ll get into why I think they didn’t work and exactly what I did, when I rewrite them.

- What is the most dangerous situation that you have found yourself in that you can share with us?

Again, these stories are too numerous to count. As an explorer you are constantly faced with death. Most of the time dangerous situations occur from non-paranormal incidents, like when you run across a paramilitary group in a lawless area of a country or if the local wildlife decides to take an interest in you. I’ve been hunted by many animals (supernatural and normal) at one point or another. I’ve just been lucky. Others around me haven’t. In the Congo, my guides were devoured when our canoe tipped in the river. Coincidentally, my posting name is actually a nickname I picked up when I saved myself from a bear mauling with the tasty snack treat. I just spelled it wrong. It amuses me with all the questions people have asked me they have never inquired about that.

- Tell me a little bit about your avatar, the Ummites. Have you ever had an encounter with one? If so, was the experience positive or negative?

Yes I have encountered and have actually communicated with these beings. The experience was very positive. They are an extremely peaceful race. In the past they have fought wars with other alien races that are not so peaceful. They are reluctant to share their technology with us for this reason. I don’t blame them. We are an extremely violent and primitive race compared to them. They actually care about us. It’s amazing.

Humorous true story in regard to the Ummites: they were amazed at the volume of excrement an average human produces during one sitting. When asked how much waste an Ummite released on average, one being promptly dropped his pants and released a deer sized pellet on the ground. Ummites do not have genitals like us by the way. The male’s genitals resemble a piece of lasagna.

- One thing that has struck me recently is the amount of exposure that vampires are getting in the mainstream media. Has Hollywood come close to accurately portraying a vampire? This is assuming they exist of course.

Yes they exist and no Hollywood does not generally do a good job portraying them. Vampires are parasites. They do not hide amongst us sipping wine at dinner parties. They hide in the shadows in remote areas and tear people limb from limb. There are hardly any left at all in the world. The idea of a “Twilight” style vampire is ridiculous. From my understanding, they are nocturnal because they are blind in the daylight, literally blind. You can also dispatch them like you would any human being. The same goes for werewolves by the way. You can kill them like any other animal.

- There seems to be a lot of curiosity surrounding the topics you discuss. What advice would you give to someone who wanted to dig deeper and get involved with them on the level that you are? Would you encourage it or try to persuade them from doing this?

I’d probably dissuade them to be honest, I live a fool’s life. I’m lucky to be alive. It’s a lonely existence. If you really want to learn more I’d suggest taking a more orthodox approach. Go to school and study as much science and math as possible. Get the backing from a school for your research and go about cryptozoology in a more traditional sense. Just don’t get sucked into the bullshit that makes good scientists go blind and close off their minds to the unknown.


- Is there anything else you would like to address? I could sit here and ask you a million questions but I am trying to be polite and not take up too much of your time!

The only thing I would like to address is to thank the people who have taken in interest in my posts. Not only have they been supportive of my bizarre writings, but they have been patient as I work slowly due to my constant travels. My next project is a blog of my own, even if I will probably not update it as much as I’d like to. We’ll see what the future holds for me.

These questions were great by the way, thank you for the interview request.

talking about the undead.

pictured above is one of my dear friends, Bubba Smith. no, i do not know who the gal giving everyone a seductive eye is (but i will try to find out). when he is not busy doing whatever a fine southern gentlemen does, we engage in conversation on a variety of subjects. i tried to interview him on horror related subject matters but it was coming out too cheesey for my taste. luckily, i managed to salvage this interview by interrogating him on his strategy for a very important event: the apocalypse.

Ryan: So since this blog has no theme, I can ask whatever questions I want. You asked me a similar question earlier: you wake up and you find your city abandoned. Describe your next course of action.

Bubba: 1. Arm myself with some kind of weapon 2. Find a vehicle 3. Try and get ahold of Pauly Crush

Pauly Crush*? Hahaha. Why? (EDIT: Pauly Crush is the man responsible for an infamous Orlando dance night titled 'Crush' at Backbooth)

Paul and I have discussed being ready for things like this to happen. I know he has the brains and firepower I'd need to survive.

What if you found out that he was directly responsible for this because the music at Crush melted everyone in Orlando's brains and turned them into disco dancing zombies?

1. get earplugs 2. find out if this was planned or an accident 3. destroy everything

Whose the last person we know you would want in your survival party in the event of the apocalypse?

JP** No questions asked.(EDIT: JP Marra is a local hardcore kid who is either loved or hated. There is usually no middle ground with this fellow. He currently resides in Philadelphia, PA and once encountered me at a rest stop in Georgia randomly Cool story huh?). No questions asked.

Would you feed him to the undead?

I would grind him into chum and use him for bait

A little while ago I mentioned your survival party. Name five people that you would take with you and what their duties in the party would be. We already have Pauly.

Pauly: ammunitions expert, Lance White: extensive knowledge of the undead, Bitchass Brian: driver, Charlie Hart: camping skills, You: handjobs*** (EDIT: i do not enjoy handies in any way, shape, or form. that includes distributing them.)

Charlie Hart is an outdoorsman?

yes, he's been doing tons of camping lately

For some reason, I can't picture that. Anyway, what would be the order of our deaths? Its inevitable that we all die.

FALSE. We find another survival party of babes and begin procreating to save the human race...only then do we find out that this only happened in Florida and the rest of the United States has been fine all along.

And who was responsible for Florida turning into a cess pool of zombie filth?

I'm not sure who did it, but I sure as hell know who didn't do it.....Professor Deluxe.

Final question: Where is Mike Sorel****(EDIT: all you need to know about Mike Sorel is right here) during all of this?

Clearly, he is the puppetmaster in all of this, but maybe you would recognize him by a better name....Mummentut.

my next entry is already posted on my myspace but it will be posted on here for everyone else to see. until then, take it easy.